Too much of the time we are focused on the outcome of something versus the actual process of achieving said outcome. I feel the need to preface this post with the sentiment of humility. For the majority of my life, I have not been a flexible human being- metaphorically and literally speaking. I was never even able to touch my toes in gym class. It is what it is. Or, rather, it was what it was. Ever since I embarked on the "treating my body like I actually give af about it" journey, I realized just how much I am capable of without limiting beliefs. For the past several weeks, I have been attending this incredible buti yoga class that challenged everything I ever thought about my body. For those of you who are not familiar, buti yoga is not like the traditional vinyasa yoga we all know and love. Buti yoga is a dynamic asana practice fused with primal movement, tribal dance and deep core engagement. It's quite the divine femme workout. This past Friday, however, something was different. The amazing instructor, Kristina, started the class by talking about the weird energy she felt that day. To be quite honest with you, I knew this was going to be a weird class. It fell on the full worm moon in Virgo AS WELL AS the Hindu festival of Holi. Extra supercharged energy that day.
When I tell you, I GOT MY ASS KICKED, I mean it. Still feeling the aftermath of that class today. Not quite sure what happened but my stomach flipped halfway through the class and it hasn't been right side up since. About 40 minutes in, Kristina announced "It is about this time that you will begin feeling emotions in different parts fo your body. Don't resist it. If you need to scream, cry, shake- do it. Let it all out." And boy, it was instant water works for me. I honestly had no idea what I was even crying about. It truly was a well of unhinged emotion. You should have seen me trying to do the child's pose while literally crying like a child...
I'd say I'm pretty frickin good at emotions. Identifying them, understanding them, and controlling them. Something was different here though. These emotions appeared to be locked away in the deepest crevices of the tissues in my body. And the body never lies. So, I did what she instructed and did not resist. Sometimes (actually most times) the conscious mind has absolutely no idea what the motivations are of the subconscious mind. Frankly, it's not really any of our business. The role of your ego is to facilitate a healthy relationship between the conscious and subconscious mind. My ego (the lower self) brought my soul (the higher self) into that room for a reason. I workout regularly but I suppose the specific movements and the energy of all who attended changed how my body reacted to physical activity. Lots of abdominal swirls and sacral chakra healing, let me tell ya.
In any case, let me discuss what I actually learned by getting my ass kicked. Several times throughout the practice I wanted to walk out of the hot room. I physically felt ill. I don't think I have ever sweat that much in my entire life. (Did I forget to mention this was a hot buti yoga class?) At the end of the practice, we cooled down in fetal position and meditated a bit. Kristina told us a bunch of stuff but the only thing that embedded itself into my brain was her insistence on letting go of perfection. Or the idea of perfection. Something that I have struggled with my entire life. I never considered myself of a perfectionist (you never really do when you're your own worst critic) but I believe I absolutely have perfectionistic tendencies. More specifically, a fixation with how things "should be". How I "should" look. How I "should" behave. etc. What I learned is that I am the one setting this standard for myself. No one else. Not my parents, not my friends, not society- me and me alone. Part of the reason I was so adamant on leaving the yoga studio early was because I felt like I wasn't doing the poses correctly. Literally.. who cares. No one was even looking at me. You know, I heard this quote, "You wouldn't worry so much about how people perceive you if you knew how seldom they actually did." Uh.. true af. Literally no one was worrying about whether or not I could get the pigeon pose. They were only concerned with their pigeon pose. As they should be!!
In any case, I ended up buying a yoga class package. That's what getting my ass kicked taught me. Don't resist the pain. Fight through the pain. Fight through the insecurities and the self doubts. INVEST in your pain and discomfort because there is a wellspring of wisdom within it. Getting my ass kicked taught me that I have far more power within me than I give myself credit for. I hope that this experience can inspire you to push beyond your limits. I pray that whoever reads this innerstands the importance of getting your ass kicked. It builds character. It reveals you to yourself. Perfection is for the gods. The most we can ask for is excellence. Happy journeying, family.
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